


it takes a village

by mythicalqueen



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: AU where worf died in Ethics so Deanna has to raise Alexander, Episode Related, F/F, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, please see the authors notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 19:42:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19678234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythicalqueen/pseuds/mythicalqueen
Summary: Suddenly, Beverly pushed Deanna away from her so she could look her in the eye and grab her hand. “Deanna, Worf left Alexander in your care, but you are not alone in this. I will help you. Will will help you. We will all help you, I promise. Being a parent is hard, but you are not alone.” As she spoke, she moved their clasped hands emphatically, her tone insistent.





	it takes a village

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is the second longest thing I've ever written I think and posting it has been a long time coming and it's super self indulgent at parts but I wanna address something real fast.
> 
> I love Worf. I really, really do. He's a great character. And I am so so glad that he did not die in this ep, because it would've made me sad from a character perspective and would've been pretty messed up aside from that. I just had this idea and went with it. So, here it is.
> 
> Oh also it gets pretty heavily episode related in there for a while, so the episodes I reference are Ethics (5x16), Chain of Command (6x10, 6x11), Face of the Enemy (6x14), Timescape (6x25), and Dark Page (7x07)

Deanna looked around her quarters, finding herself at a loss. She hovered awkwardly, barely inside. The door chimed. She jumped and turned around to face it. She sniffled before saying, “Come in.”

Beverly stepped in, looking rather awkward herself. “I wanted to see how you were holding up,” she explained, stepping into the room.

Deanna gave her a forced smile. “I'm alright. I'm just considering what I should do with Alexander,” she said. “Where we should live,” she specified. “On the one hand, I don't want him to feel like I'm replacing his father or taking over his space or subject him to painful memories by living in his and Worf’s quarters. But on the other hand I don't want to force him to move, to introduce another big change, and take away that connection he has to those quarters and how he and his father lived there.”

Beverly nodded. “I got a new assignment shortly after Jack died. I took it. It was... a difficult adjustment for Wesley. I still don't know if it was the right thing. It was a bit selfish, really. I didn't want to be on that ship with all those memories. I was so hurt, I never asked Wesley what he wanted. Maybe you should ask Alexander.”

Deanna nodded, slumping onto her couch. 

“Where is he now, anyways?”

“He's with Will. He offered to look after him for a bit while I take some time to process,” she said, smiling sadly. “Well, insisted is probably a better word.”

Beverly smiled in kind. “He's right, you know. You need time to process just like the rest of us.”

“Not you too,” Deanna groaned.

“Yes, me too,” Beverly said, sitting down next to Deanna. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Deanna shook her head, but Beverly could see tears making her dark eyes shine. They leaned towards each other, Beverly wrapping her arms around her friend as Deanna curled into it, letting herself really truly cry. Beverly ran her fingers through her hair comfortingly. 

“It'll be okay,” Beverly whispered into the crown of Deanna’s head,

“I miss him,” Deanna managed between sobs.

“I know. I do too.”

“I don't know how to do this,” Deanna said, a sudden edge of panic taking over her voice.

“I know.”

“No, Beverly, I don't know how to raise a child. I don't know where to start. I can't do it.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can't. I can't raise a child alone.”

Suddenly, Beverly pushed Deanna away from her so she could look her in the eye and grab her hand. “Deanna, Worf left Alexander in your care, but you are not alone in this. I will help you. Will will help you. We will all help you, I promise. Being a parent is hard, but you are not alone.” As she spoke, she moved their clasped hands emphatically, her tone insistent.

Deanna looked up at her, grateful for the support and for the passion with which Beverly had spoken. “Okay,” she finally whispered. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Beverly said with a smile as she pulled Deanna back into a tight hug. Her hand found its way back to Deanna’s hair.

*

The door to Beverly’s quarters chimed shortly after she got off duty. 

“Come in,” she said, looking up from the book she'd been trying to read. It hadn't been going very well.

The doors hissed open and Deanna stepped in. Beverly set the book aside, standing up with sympathetic smile.

“Sorry to bother you,” Deanna said.

“No, it's no bother.”

“I want to hold a ceremony of some sort.” She paused. “I think it would help the crew. They did the death ritual, but... well, the crew wasn't really given much closure.”

Beverly nodded. “I think it's a good idea.”

“I talked to Captain Picard about it. He agreed.” Deanna hesitated.

Beverly didn't respond, waiting for Deanna continue.

“I think I should speak but I can't find the words to say,” she finally said, smiling sadly. “Tasha wrote her own eulogy. I've found that I'm eternally grateful for that. I have no idea what I would've said. I wouldn't know how to express...”

“Then don't,” Beverly suggested. Deanna looked at her, confused. “You're afraid you can't find adequate words to describe how you feel, what he meant to you. Maybe it's best to not try. To just acknowledge how you feel to yourself. Sometimes words don't work.”

“Sometimes I wish you were all empathic too. Then you don't always need words.”

Beverly gave her an apologetic look and reached out to put her hand on Deanna's shoulder. After a long moment of consideration, she asked, “How's Alexander?”

Deanna sighed. “I don't know. He hasn't wanted to talk very much. I'm having trouble getting him to.”

“Understandable.”

“I asked him about the quarters, by the way. He doesn't want either.” Deanna shook her head. “I'm a counselor and an empath. I'm supposed to know what to do.”

“I'd say there are a couple of conflicts of interest, Deanna. It makes sense that it's hard for you to be objective in this case. It doesn't mean you aren't doing your job well.”

“I know. I know, it just feels like it does.” Beverly nodded, running her hand down Deanna’s arm until she reached her hand and intertwined their fingers. She moved over to the couch, sitting down and pulling Deanna with her.

“So, if he doesn't want you to move into Worf’s quarters, and he doesn't want to move into yours, what else can you do?” Beverly asked.

“Move into new quarters,” Deanna said, a bit sarcastically. “Actually, that could work. We'd both be in a new place. He could bring some of Worf’s things. That would work. Thank you, Beverly,” Deanna said, standing up and rushing towards the door, presumably to request new quarters. 

“You're welcome,” Beverly called from the couch, an amused smile on her face.

*

The memorial they held for Worf was beautiful. Riker and Picard, as expected, both gave beautiful speeches commending his years of service and friendship. Data apparently wrote a subprogram for the occasion, pulling bits and pieces from famous eulogies along with his own improvisation. Geordi told a story. Beverly followed in suit. Guinan talked about prune juice.

Deanna was the last one left. Beverly beside her squeezed her hand and whispered, “You don't have to say anything. Deanna smiled, stood, a dropped Beverly’s hand. She walked to the front of the room. 

“Worf meant a lot to me. To all of us. It's hard not to be sad at his passing, but I like to think that he's happy. In Sto-Vo-Kor.”

A light applause followed as Deanna returned to her seat. She took Beverly's hand again. Over time, everyone left, save for Guinan, as it was in Ten Forward, and Beverly and Deanna. There was a small holoimage of Worf on a table. Beverly stood and walked to it, looking at it intently. Deanna followed her, but left some distance. With her hands rested on either side of the image, Beverly whispered, “I'm sorry that I couldn't save you.” As she turned around with a sad smile, Deanna could see the tears in her eyes. Deanna walked to her, reaching around her. She hesitated before turning off the image. It flickered it off. 

Guinan shot them an apologetic and somewhat knowing smile from behind the bar as they left Ten Forward hand in hand.

*

Deanna and Alexander’s new quarters were a success, as Deanna happily informed Beverly. 

“That's wonderful, Deanna,” Beverly replied from the seat behind her desk.

Deanna smiled, but then her brow furrowed. “I thought you were on alpha rotation today,” she said.

“I was, I just had some research left to do.”

Deanna gave her a pointed look. Beverly rolled her eyes and sighed, standing up resignedly. “What is it you say? Doctors are the worst patients?” Deanna teased.

“We sure are,” Beverly responded, leaving her office with Deanna.

*

Deanna was somewhat surprised by the fact that Beverly was as good as she was with Alexander. She wasn't sure why it was surprising. After all, Beverly had raised Wesley, largely on her own. And Beverly, like Alexander, was stubborn and strong willed and defiant and smart. And she'd been all of that for a lot longer too. 

Deanna had resignedly called Beverly on her combadge when Alexander refused to go to bed.

“Thank you,” she said exaggeratedly as the doors hissed open. 

“It's no problem, really,” Beverly said with a smile. She went to the room she knew to be Alexander's, finding him with his arms crossed in a corner. 

“I'm not going to bed,” he said, before she could even get a word out.

“And why not?” she asked, walking over to him and crouching down.

“I'm not tired,” he insisted.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Klingons don't lie.”

“Hmm. Do Klingons get tired?”

Alexander paused. “No.”

“Really? You're father slept.”

Alexander frowned.

“You have school tomorrow, don't you?”

He nodded.

“Well, I think you should head to bed then.”

“I'm not tired,” he insisted, though he yawned a second after.

“I'm sure your father went to bed on time for school when he was a kid. It's okay to be tired, you know. Everyone sleeps. Everyone needs to sleep, medically speaking. I'm a doctor. I would know.”

Alexander uncrossed his arms. He hesitated. “Okay. Fine. I'll go to bed.”

“Thank you,” Beverly said, smiling and standing to leave the room. As she turned around, she noticed Deanna leaning on the door frame, smiling. 

“Thank you,” she whispered again.

“Any time.”

“I'll walk you back to your quarters while he gets ready,” Deanna offered.

“They aren't very far any more.” And it was true. They'd never moved Beverly from the family quarters she'd had with Wesley, and Deanna now had one just a few away.

“Alright. Goodnight, Beverly.”

“Goodnight, Deanna,” Beverly said quietly, before speaking up a bit to say, “Goodnight, Alexander.”

*

The doors to Beverly’s office hissed open and she looked up from the PADD she was reading. A new study about how to use cybernetics as a healing method, specifically in the brain. About electronic devices to produce more neurotransmitters or replace parts of the brain in case of injury. She smiled as Deanna as she walked in and set the PADD aside, deciding to review the scientific and ethical dilemmas putting the study into practice may present.

“How are you?” she asked Deanna.

“Fine,” Deanna responded, her fingers linked together loosely in front of her. She paused. “I hate to ask, but I’m working Beta shift today and I was wondering if you could look after Alexander for me.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you. I know the school keeps the daycare running longer for when parents have odd shifts, but I’d rather...” she trailed off. Beverly nodded.

“I understand. Why are you working Beta shift, though? Typically parents— and guardians— get scheduled for Alpha shift so they can spend time with their children, unless the policy has changed in the last few years, which would be a significant step back for Starfleet.”

“I have patients who can’t see me during Alpha shift, so sometimes I have to schedule appointments for Beta or Gamma shift. If you had to do a surgery in the middle of the night, even when Wesley was young, you’d do it.”

Beverly nodded in agreement. “Maybe we should hire a second counselor.”

“I’ve been telling that to Starfleet for years,” Deanna said with a slightly bitter smile.

“I’ll see you later, Deanna,” she said.

*

Beverly was helping Alexander with his homework, a science experiment. Nothing too complicated, just something with plant growth. Similar to an experiment she remembered doing in school. A simple independent variable with change in height at the dependent. He was telling her about it rather enthusiastically. She smiled. It was always nice to see kids interested in science, especially Alexander, seeing as he was a Klingon. 

Beverly had known a few Klingon scientists. Many Klingons still didn’t see it as particularly honorable, even though science was what kept them alive and kept their ships running. 

Her combadge chirped, interrupting Alexander’s description of the project. “I’m sorry,” she said to him before tapping her combadge. “Crusher here.”

“Doctor, we’ve got a medical emergency. Report to sickbay immediately,” Riker said.

She sighed. “I’m a bit busy at the moment. Could you call another doctor?”

“I’m afraid not. We’ve picked up a ship, heavily damaged with heavy casualties and also a lot of survivors who may join them soon. It’s all hands on deck for this one,” he said.

“Are you busy?” she asked. 

“Well, yes. I figure I should talk to the survivors,” he responded.

“Right. Jean-Luc is at a conference, Deanna is busy, I’m sure Alyssa is busy too now, Keiko and Miles aren’t on this ship anymore, I guess that leaves Geordi and Data,” she said, mostly to herself.

“For what?” Riker asked.

“Babysitting—,” Alexander glared at her, “— watching Alexander.”

“Oh. I’ll call them. You go ahead and go to sickbay.”

“Will, I can’t just leave him alone.”

“It’ll only be a few minutes, Beverly. He’ll be fine. Some of these patients may not be.”

Beverly nodded. “Alright. I’ll be there. Crusher out.”

She looked at Alexander. “I have to go, but you be good, alright? Data and Geordi will be here soon.”

“Okay.”

*

Data found children... interesting. He thought childhood was a fascinating part of the human experience, one that he was regretful he’d never really experience, despite Geordi’s insistence that childhood and adolescence were awkward and embarrassing and that he wasn’t missing out much.

“You probably would’ve been a cute kid, though,” Geordi said, stepping into Deanna’s quarters. “Just think of it, a tiny little android running around, getting in everyone’s way, correcting all your teacher’s.”

“Actually, even as a child I would’ve had the same physical size.”

Geordi laughed and shook his head. “Yep, you definitely would’ve been the kid who corrected all his teachers.”

“If they were misinforming students, then--”

“Data,” Geordi interrupted. 

“Hi,” Alexander said, making them stop bickering and turn towards him.

“Hello,” Data said.

“Will you help me measure these plants?” he asked. They turned to look at the plants he was gesturing to.

“Sure,” Geordi said, walking over and looking for a tricorder. Data followed him and starting listing the heights of the plants just by looking at them. Sometimes Geordi forgot how much Data was programmed to be able to do. 

Alexander quickly typed in the numbers, make Data slow down and repeat several of them.

“Thank you!” Alexander said when he finished making a graph, proudly showing it off to them.

“That’s a nice graph. You’re a smart kid,” Geordi said. Alexander beamed. “But they’ve got you doing plant experiments? Still? They should have you do more engineering projects.”

“Like what?”

“Like... making a robot.”

“Like Data?”

“I am an android, not a robot,” Data corrected.

“What’s the difference?”

Data started to answer but Geordi stopped him. “It’s a lot harder to make Data than to make a robot, so no, not quite like Data.”

“Then what?”

Geordi paused. “You know what, let me see if I still have the pattern,” he said, walking over to the replicator. It took a bit of searching but it was still on file. He replicated a kit of parts and pulled up some directions on a padd. “I made this when I was a kid. It’s pretty simple, but it’s also pretty cool. 

Alexander started to read the directions and pick up parts, putting some together here and there. They spent the next few hours putting it together, until Alexander had to go to bed.

*

As Beverly stepped out of surgery, she saw Deanna talking to one of the survivors. Deanna turned to look at her. 

“He’s with Geordi and Data,” she told Deanna.

Deanna nodded. “I know. Thank you.”

“How are they?” Beverly asked, looking around Sickbay, taking in how crowded it was compared to its general relative emptiness.

“Most of them are fine. Your doctors and nurses have been hard at work. How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she said, smiling weakly. Deanna gave her a disbelieving look. “Tired,” she added, “but I’ll be fine. They need medical assistance more than I need sleep.”

“I think most of the serious injuries have been treated. I’m sure you can go get some rest.”

Beverly shook her head. “It’s alright, really. I’m sure everyone here is just as tired as I am.”

“Okay. But get some sleep at some point, okay? That’s an order.”

“I outrank you.”

“I have medical override too, Beverly.”

Beverly scrunched up her nose briefly before moving along to her next patient and Deanna moved onto hers.

*

Beverly yawned for the fifth time in only a minute or so and Deanna walked over to her, grabbing her arm. 

“Doctor Selar, you can handle this from here, can’t you?” Deanna said.

“Certainly.”

“Good. Thank you.” She began to pull Beverly towards the door to the hall.

“Deanna, wait,” Beverly protested.

“Beverly, you’re about to fall asleep. Alpha shift is almost over. You’ve been awake for over twenty four hours and for a large portion of that you been doing stressful procedures. You need rest. You aren’t helping anyone like this.”

Beverly opened her mouth to argue, but she yawned instead but then sighed and nodded, letting Deanna lead her through the corridors. Her eyes kept slipping closed for moments at a time.

“How’s Alexander?” she asked as they stepped onto the turbolift. Deanna had gone to her quarters after Beta shift ended to get some sleep and let Data and Geordi go back to their own quarters. She’d come back when Alpha shift started again.

“Good. He’s at school now. I think he had fun with Data and Geordi. They made a robot.”

“That’s good,” Beverly muttered, leaning against the wall, her eyes closed.

Deanna shook her head. “This is why you should’ve gone to sleep sooner.”

“I’m very awake.”

“No, you’re not.”

Beverly’s eyes blinked open and landed on Deanna. She grinned sleepily. “No, I’m really not. Thank you.”

The doors of the turbolift opened and Deanna walked Beverly to her quarters. “Get some sleep.”

*

Alexander sat in Sickbay, Deanna standing next to him. His legs dangled off the side of the biobed. Beverly stood in front of him, gently holding his arm and scanning it. “It’s broken, alright.” She set down the tricorder and picked up a different instrument. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he said. 

She raised a pointed eyebrow at him. He frowned. She looked up at Deanna. 

“He was using Worf’s old calisthenics program,” Deanna said softly.

Beverly smiled sympathetically at Alexander before giving Deanna a somewhat questioning look. Wondering if they’d talked about it. If everything was okay. Deanna nodded.

“Okay,” Beverly said to both of them. “Try to hold still as I regenerate the bone, okay? It’s nothing too bad so that should be all I have to do.” She carefully picked up Alexander’s arm again but he jerked it back, wincing in the process. “Alexander?” she asked, confused.

“I don’t need you to heal me,” he said harshly.

“Alexander, let her help you,” Deanna said.

“No! She couldn’t help my dad, she can’t help me.”

Beverly opened her mouth. Closed it again. She didn’t have to say anything, Deanna could feel it. Like a knife that was already in her stomach got twisted. Guilt. Beverly had already felt it when Worf died and now Alexander was reinforcing it.

“I’m sorry,” Beverly finally said, and it sounded emotionless . Deanna knew she meant it, but it hurt. “I’m so sorry,” she said again, this time full of emotion.

“Alexander, Beverly did all she could to save your father and it is not her fault that he’s dead. It couldn’t be avoided. Your pain can. Let her help you.”

Alexander hesitated. He slowly reached towards Beverly, letting her fix his broken bone.

*

Deanna hit the chime on Beverly’s door. It was late, but she knew Beverly was still awake. 

“Who is it?” Beverly asked.

“Deanna,” she responded. There was a long pause. A sigh.

“Come in.” The doors opened and Deanna walked in. Beverly was sitting on her couch, uniform still on, expression blank. She didn’t move at all except for her breathing until Deanna sat down next to her. She blinked. Turned to look at Deanna. “You and I both know that isn’t true,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“That Worf’s death couldn’t be avoided. It could’ve been. Quite easily.”

“It’s better for Alexander that he believes that.”

Beverly shook her head. “I shouldn’t have done the surgery. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I went ahead with it anyway.”

“And if you hadn’t, he would have killed himself. You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened.”

“Do I? It’s my fault. I should have found a way to save him.”

“Maybe. And maybe I should have found a way to talk him out of it, to live his life. Disabled, but alive. And maybe Picard should have ordered him to. And maybe Worf should have decided all on his own to live instead of risking his life because he had a son and responsibilities! But he didn’t. And maybe we all did the right thing, which was to let him choose and to support his choice and help him as best we could. I miss him. Terribly. But it doesn’t help to sit here and blame yourself for what happened.”

Beverly’s eyes were full of tears and she wrapped her arms around Deanna as tightly as she could. Deanna reciprocated the gesture. “Thank you,” Beverly said. 

“Of course.”

“You're very good at your job.”

“Beverly, I’m here as your friend.”

Beverly hugged her impossibly tighter. “Well, you’re really good at that, too.”

Deanna smiled. “Thank you.”

*

“Troi to Crusher.”

Beverly tapped the combadge on her table. “Go ahead.”

“Beverly, I’ve got an emergency appointment. Can you get Alexander to school?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Beverly fixed the combadge to her uniform before hitting it again. “Crusher to Picard.”

“Yes, Beverly?”

“I won’t be able to make it to breakfast this morning. I’ve got to get Alexander to school.”

“Alright. Tomorrow instead?”

“I can’t. I’m having breakfast with Deanna and Alexander tomorrow.”

“The next day?”

“I’ve got gamma shift.”

“And the day after that I have an important diplomatic meeting and at that point we might as well just wait until next week.”

Beverly sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’ll see you.”

Beverly straightened out her uniform and stepped out of her quarters, walking down the corridor to Deanna’s. She hit the chime and the door opened. 

“Thank you so much, Beverly,” Deanna said, taking Beverly’s hands in her own, squeezing them gently. “I just woke him up. I’ve got to go.” She kissed Beverly’s cheek and left.

As she walked down the corridor, she felt a shift in Beverly’s emotions. A strange kind of nervous, elated giddiness. She smiled.

Beverly reached up and gently touched her cheek, unable to stop grinning. She could tell that she was blushing and that Deanna had gotten lipstick on her face. She tried to wipe it off before going to Alexander.

*

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to breakfast last week,” Beverly said, sinking into the chair across from Picard. “I’ve just been busy.”

“So you have. How is Alexander?” he asked, recalling why she’d had to cancel.

“As good as can be expected. Deanna is really good with him,” Beverly responded, the corners of her mouth twitching up.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Counselor Troi lately, haven’t you?” he said between sips of earl gray.

She shrugged. “No more than usual.”

Picard raised an eyebrow. She smiled.

“Okay, more than usual. I’m a mother, I’ve just been helping out with Alexander.”

“Oh? Is that why you blushed when I brought her up?”

Beverly paused, searching for something to say, some excuse to make. She was at a loss. She sighed. “Is it that obvious?”

“I’ve known you a long time.”

“Deanna is an empath, Jean-Luc.”

“Well, then she probably already knows.”

Beverly bit her lip. “I know.”

*

Beverly could feel herself starting to grow a little too comfortable with this, whatever this exactly was. This arrangement, this habit, this... whatever. She was just helping with Alexander, just being a good friend to Deanna, just... feeling too many things. Mostly good things, but... she and Deanna weren’t together and Alexander was not her son and this thing... was really nice. 

The thing was that if Beverly could feel all this, then so could Deanna. And that scared her as much as it reassured her.

Because Deanna had to have felt this, but she hadn’t done anything. Which could mean a million things. It could mean she was ignoring it, or was too nice to say anything about it, or that she was waiting for Beverly to do something.

But Beverly really, really liked whatever this was. It wasn’t entirely unfamiliar. In too many ways, it reminded her of when Wesley was young and she and Jack worked together raising him.

But Alexander was not Wesley and Deanna wasn’t Jack. And she didn’t want them to be. Still, there were some parallels. So even though this made her endlessly happy, it also broke her heart. 

She called Wesley on subspace. She felt like she needed to and she missed him a lot. They talked about his school, his friends, she caught him up on ship’s gossip. But then they reached a lull in the conversation. Beverly sighed.

“Wes, I... I need to talk to you about some things.”

“Okay,” he said, a bit awkwardly.

“Worf,” she said, but she shook her head. “Alexander,” she started over, but she trailed off. “Before Worf died, he asked Deanna to take care of and raise Alexander, should he die. And she is. She’s very good with him. But parenting is hard. And just like everyone on the Enterprise and on other ships helped me with you, we’re helping Deanna with Alexander. But... it’s mostly me. Which I’m fine with. I’m more than fine with. It’s... really nice. But I wanted to know how you felt about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... if you’re okay with it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Beverly smiled. “No, you’re a good kid. I wouldn’t be mad if you weren’t okay with it, though. I’d understand. I mean, I’m your mom, and I know... your childhood wasn’t perfect. I did my best but it wasn’t perfect. And Alexander’s hasn’t been either. But now I’m putting a lot of my effort into helping him instead of you and he, in essence, has two parents, which you didn’t always, and I... I don’t want you to feel like I’m just trying to start a new family or something or like I’m trying to replace you and your father.”

“Mom, it’s not your fault, what happened to Dad. And Alexander needs you. I do, too, but he’s just a kid and both of his parents are dead. I can’t imagine if I’d lost you, too. I would never blame you for trying to help someone or for trying to be happy.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Wesley hesitated. “Mom?”

“Mhmm?”

“You sort of... implied that Deanna was... not replacing but um... analogous to Dad?”

“I suppose I did. Um, not quite. We’re not together or anything, but we might be. Soon. Hopefully.”

“I hope so, too.”

“What about you, huh? Anyone catch your eye?”

“Mom, I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Oh, fine. I spill all my feelings, but I can’t get anything out of you. Teenagers,” she teased.

“I’m happy for you. I’ve gotta go study for a test.”

“I love you, Wes.”

“Love you, too, Mom.” The communication cut out. Beverly leaned back in her chair, smiling widely, her fingernails drumming on the table next to her console.

*

Lwaxana was on board, and as usual, doting over her daughter. And now Alexander, who she insisted on considering her grandson. 

But Deanna had to leave for a mission before Lwaxana left and well. She’d left Beverly to look over Alexander, but of course Lwaxana had insisted on helping.

Beverly was trying to get Alexander to sleep. He still fought her on this sometimes.

“Please, Alexander, you need to go to bed,” she said, her voice betraying her exhaustion.

Lwaxana put a hand on her shoulder. “Let me,” she whispered. If she wasn’t so tired, Beverly may have argued. Instead she nodded and left the room, sinking onto Deanna’s couch and letting Lwaxana handle it this time.

She wasn’t really aware that she’d fallen asleep, but when she woke up, Lwaxana was standing by the replicator. 

“Tea. Peppermint and chamomile,” Lwaxana ordered. Beverly was halfway to asking how Lwaxana knew when her half asleep brain caught up to her and she remembered telepathy. Lwaxana smiled at her as she started to sit up. 

“Is Alexander...”

Lwaxana nodded, handing the mug to Beverly. “Asleep. Yes. Though I think you should know, he’s been having nightmares lately. He was pretty close to both of his parents when they died and there’s still understandably some trauma. You may want to see about getting him a therapist. Not my daughter. That’s a bit of a conflict of interest.”

Beverly was somewhat shocked by the wisdom and perceptiveness. She rushed to conceal it, though.

“No need for that, Beverly,” Lwaxana chided. “I know I wasn’t the perfect mother for Deanna, and that I can be fairly off putting, but I do know a thing or two.”

“Of course. I’m sorry, Mrs. Troi.”

“Oh, please, dear. Call me Lwaxana. We’re practically family, after all.”

The strangeness of the situation suddenly struck her. She was alone in quarters that weren’t her own or Lwaxana’s with Lwaxana, the mother of her coworker and friend and... whatever. And the son of her now dead coworker who Deanna had adopted and she had begun to help to raise was asleep in the other room and this was crazy. “Right,” Beverly said, though she was somewhat confused. “Lwaxana.”

Lwaxana rolled her eyes. “Yes, we are practically family. Either you’re dating my daughter or you’re just raising my grandson, but either way, we’re family.”

“Mrs— Lwaxana, I’m not dating your daughter,” Beverly rushed to clarify.

Lwaxana’s brow furrowed. “No. I guess you’re not. Odd. Tell me, does she know how you feel? I assumed so since she is empathic, but I forget she closes herself off and I love her but sometimes she does miss the obvious. And yes, dear, it is quite obvious. You’re practically telepathically screaming ‘I miss Deanna! I’m in love with her and I miss her!’ Frankly, I’m glad she has someone who cares about her as much as you do.”

“Um. I’m not sure if she knows. You probably have a better shot of figuring that out.”

Lwaxana sighed. “You’re right, of course, but she’s been closing herself off from me. Oh, well. I ought to head back to my own quarters. Enjoy the tea.”

“Thank you. Good night.”

“Good night, dear. Oh, and she’ll be furious with me for telling you this, but from what I can tell, she feels the same way about you.”

Beverly didn’t sleep anymore that night. She just sat on Deanna’s couch sipping at tea.

*

“Deanna?” Alexander asked. After much deliberation, they’d settled on Deanna. Counselor Troi was too formal, Mom was too much. Deanna worked. 

“Yes?” Deanna said, happily looking up from her PADD. Alexander had insisted on filling out this field trip form alone, but Deanna knew she’d have to help and didn’t mind either.

“I’ve already listed you as my guardian, but should I put Beverly, too?”

Deanna’s heart stopped. A part of her wanted instantly to say yes, of course, yes. Another, more rational part knew she should talk to both Alexander and Beverly about this first. After a long moment, she said, “Do you want to?”

Alexander hesitated. “I think so. Is that okay?”

Again, she wanted to say yes. “It’s fine with me. And it’s fine for you to feel that way. Just... give me a minute, okay? Don’t write it quite yet.”

“Okay.”

Deanna tapped her combadge. “Troi to Riker.”

“Riker here.”

“Will you come watch Alexander for a bit? There’s something I need to do.”

“Of course. I’ll be there right away.”

When Riker arrived, Deanna squeezed his shoulder, thanked him, and all but ran to Beverly’s quarters.

She hesitated. Paced a bit. Hit the chime. “It’s Deanna,” she said.

“Come in.”

The doors opened and Deanna stepped in. Beverly was sitting on her couch and nodded her head to the side, gesturing for Deanna to the same. Deanna sat tense, on the edge of the couch and as far away from Beverly as possible.

“Is everything alright?” Beverly asked.

Deanna nodded. Released the tension in her shoulders. Leaned back into the couch. She turned towards Beverly. “Yes. There’s something I need to ask you.”

“Of course.”

“Alexander is filling out a field trip form and he asked me if he should list you as his guardian. You can say no, I don’t want to pressure you into anything. But if you want him to, I’m okay with it. And he wants to.”

Beverly smiled widely and reached for Deanna’s hands. “Of course he can list me. I’d... love that.”

Deanna smiled back and squeezed Beverly’s hands. “Thank you. It’s nothing terribly official, of course, but if you want that, we can figure that out.”

Beverly pulled Deanna towards her. Deanna leaned into it and let Beverly put an arm around her shoulders. “I’m happy to help, but I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“I know. I’d talk to him about it first, it’s just... I really like this. I was never sure if I wanted kids or anything, and I know he’s not exactly my son, but we’re raising him, and it just... it feels right. I enjoy this.” Deanna sighed.

Beverly ran her fingers through Deanna’s hair. “Me too,” she whispered. Before she could convince herself not to, she kissed Deanna’s forehead. “We better go let him know to write down my name.”

Deanna grinned.

*

Beverly tried not to sigh heavily but she did anyway. Thankfully, Alexander was absorbed enough in his homework not to notice. Deanna did, though. She shot Beverly a worried look over Alexander. Beverly shook her head, dismissing the concern. 

Still, Deanna shifted over to be next to Beverly instead of Alexander. “I can handle this, Beverly. Why don’t you get some rest?” 

Beverly shook her head again. “I’m fine. It’s not that; I’m not tired.” Deanna still didn’t look satisfied. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Beverly smiled and Deanna went back to her original position.

*

After Alexander was asleep, Deanna gave Beverly a very pointed look. Beverly sighed and sat down on the couch. Deanna sat next to her.

“I meant what I said. About enjoying all of this. I do. I really, really do. But sometimes I have doubts. It’s just that... Worf asked you to take care of Alexander. Not me. And he wouldn’t have asked me. And I am more than happy to help but sometimes I wonder if he would’ve wanted this. If I’m... intruding on something he wouldn’t have wanted me to. And I didn’t even know K’Ehleyr, so I don’t even have a vague idea of if she’d be okay with this.”

“Well, I can’t imagine Worf wanted me to do this alone. That would be terribly hypocritical. And maybe he didn’t specifically ask you but he didn’t ask Will or Geordi or anyone else either. I know you’re a bit more involved than they are, but still. I’m sure he’d be thrilled that Alexander has two people raising him who love and support him. As for K’Ehleyr... I think she’d be glad there was a human helping raise him. She didn’t always like her Klingon side. I also think she’d be happy he has both of us. Besides, they’re both gone. We’re here and Alexander is here. And we need you.”

Beverly smiled, then relaxed, then smiled again. There were tears in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Deanna. Deanna returned the gesture. “Good,” Beverly said, “because I love this, and I love Alexander and love...” Beverly didn’t finish her sentence, didn’t say, “you,” but she may as well have. And it wouldn’t have been all that bad. She could’ve played it off as platonic, especially considering that she’d loved Deanna as friend long before all these other feelings started to surface. Still. Deanna was an empath and given the circumstances, it would open a can of worms that ought to stay shut, at least for now. Deanna hugged her a little bit tighter.

“Me too,” Deanna said. She decided not to address that last bit. Now wasn’t the time.

“Thank you, Deanna.”

*

Alexander was a quiet kid. It was strange for Beverly. Wesley had never been, by any means, the most popular kid in class, and in recent years he hadn’t talked to her as much, but he was never quiet. Always quick (too quick, some may say) to share his knowledge or put in his own perspective. She was used to having to tell him to give other kids a chance to speak. Trying to help Alexander speak up was odd.

Beverly herself had been a kind of quiet kid, reading plays or about science, studying, practicing her dancing. But when someone needed help or a friend, she was always the first to offer support. 

Deanna had been, by her mother’s standards, far too quiet. Mentally. She couldn’t use telepathy save for with those she was close to, and with them, she still preferred verbal conversation. Also, she was fairly sure anyone would seem quiet compared to Lwaxana, who never understood that for all the light she put out, it was still somehow easy to get trapped in her shadow. In another way, Deanna had been far too loud for Betazoid tastes. She’d answer telepathic question out loud, talking with her voice until everyone around her got a taste of what it was like to be spoken to in a way you couldn’t or didn’t want to respond in. But that hadn’t ever extended much beyond those she was close to. She’d always been good at being diplomatic. The perks of being an ambassador’s daughter, she supposed.

But Alexander was quiet. As far as Deanna could tell, he was getting along with other kids in the school fine, but he didn’t really have any friends. He was withdrawn. He read a lot. Klingon rituals and Klingon practices and all things Klingon. All translated into English. Deanna had noticed him stumble over Klingon words more than once. He felt disconnected from his heritage. From his father. Deanna had had similar experiences. A disconnect from human culture. She looked into Klingon rituals herself.

*

Deanna was going to pick Alexander up from school and help him with homework and eat a chocolate sundae. A nice routine they’d fallen into, usually with Beverly as well.

But she didn’t see Alexander in the classroom.

“Counselor?” the teacher asked. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Where’s Alexander?” Deanna asked.

“He didn’t come in today. I assumed he was sick and you just forgot to let me know.”

Deanna shook her head. “I walked him here, but I had an emergency appointment.”

“I’m so sorry,” the teacher said. She felt terrified and panicked and apologetic.

“It’s alright. I’m sure he’s fine,” Deanna said. “Computer, where is Alexander Rozhenko?”

“Alexander Rozhenko is in Holodeck 3.”

Deanna sighed in relief. “See? He’s fine.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

Deanna reassured her quickly and then left for Holodeck 3. She tried to open the doors, but the computer stopped her. “Holodeck 3 is in use.”

“Computer, override security lock, authorization Troi-gamma-zero.”

The doors hissed open and Deanna heard the unmistakable clang of two batleths hitting each other. Alexander noticed her and looked a little scared.

“Freeze program,” Deanna said, walking towards him.

Alexander froze too, for a moment. “Are you mad?” he asked.

Deanna shook her head and lowered herself to Alexander’s level. “No. I wish you’d gone to school or talked to me, but I’m not mad. I understand.”

“I’m almost the age of ascension,” he explained. “I need to train so I can become a warrior.”

Deanna smiled slightly. “Okay. But are you sure that’s what you want or is it just what you think your father would want?”

He frowned and looked contemplative. “I think... I want the option.”

Deanna smiled again. “Okay. I’d be happy to help you or find someone to help you learn how to fight, and you can use the holodeck, but you can’t skip school.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright this time. And I want you to know that I knew your father pretty well, and I know he’d be proud of you, no matter what you decide to do.”

Alexander smiled. Then frowned. “Do you think he’s in Sto-vo-kor?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone more worthy.”

“But... he didn’t die in battle.”

“Alexander, he may not have been killed by a batleth, but he was fighting. To stay alive. To stay with you. I know he was.”

*

Really, as soon as she got the assignment, Beverly knew what she had to do. Not related to the mission. Not directly anyways.

“You have some time off tomorrow, right?” Deanna asked, catching up to Crusher as she walked from training to Sickbay.

“Not much,” Beverly said, sighing.

“Oh. I was hoping we could grab lunch or something.” She sounded disappointed.

Beverly frowned. “I wish I could. There’s something I have to do, though.”

“It’s alright. I understand.”

Beverly gave her half a smile.

“Are you alright?” Deanna asked seriously.

Beverly nodded, taking in a deep breath. 

“Beverly,” Deanna insisted.

“Yes. I will be.” Something in the back of her head whispered, “I hope.” She didn’t say it out loud. Not that she usually needed to with Deanna.

“Okay. You can talk to me, you know.”

“I will. I’ll tell you all they let me once this is all over. I have to go.”

“Alright. Bye.”

*

Beverly stood awkwardly in the middle of the holodeck. She took a deep breath. “Computer, run program Crusher three one.”

There was a mechanically beeping as the black walls and yellow lattice disappeared, replaced by a simple field with chairs in a row in front of Beverly. She took a step back so she was a bit further from them. Each chair had a name on it. She bit her lip, thinking of the task ahead of her. 

She tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear and released her lip. “Computer, récord and save file as Crusher three two.”

“Recording.”

Beverly inhaled. “If you’re watching this, it probably means I’m dead. So. I’m sorry about that. Deanna once said to me that she didn’t know how to talk at a funeral, that the recording Tasha left made it so she didn’t have to. I figured I’d do the same. If you guys still want to do a funeral and talk about me, go right ahead, but I want to make sure you don’t have to.”

She pressed her lips together tightly. “There’s so much I want to say to all of you, I can’t imagine how I’ll ever get this done.”

She wiped away a tear and looked at the first chair, smiling. “Wesley. I love you so much. You are my pride and joy. I’m so sorry to leave you like this, but you aren’t alone. There are so many people who love you and support you. I’ll always be so proud of you, and I will always love you. Don’t ever forget that.”

She turned to the next chair. “Jean-Luc, my oldest friend. You are the best man and the finest captain I have ever met. For the first time, I don’t have a witty joke for you. I hope you can forgive me. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best. Look after Wesley for me.”

“Will, I know you don’t want to leave the Enterprise, but you’ve got to get your own command at some point. You’re a great first officer but you’d be a better captain. Play ‘Nightbird’ at my funeral if you have one.”

“Data. You have always wanted to be human. That means that you want to fit in and doubt that you will. That you’re afraid of being different. That’s the most human thing there is. So admit you have feelings every so often. I know it’s not the same, but it’s something. Pet Spot for me.”

“Geordi, you are one of the kindest people I have ever met. You work so hard to keep this ship to going and you always put a smile on our faces. Never doubt yourself.”

“Guinan, I know it’s who you are, but thank you for always listening to us and always giving advice. Never let your humor fade.”

“Alyssa Ogawa, you are the best nurse I could’ve ever dreamed of working with and I regret that I won’t be there to see you become a CMO. Thank you for being my right hand all these years. I know you’ll go on to do great things.”

Beverly turned to the last two chairs. “Alexander, I am so glad I’ve had the honor or knowing you. You are a great, brave, strong kid. Be good for Deanna, okay? I’m sorry I can’t see you grow up. I love you.”

She took in another breath. “Deanna, ideally by the time you see this we’ll have already had this conversation but I’m not sure I’ll get the chance. I’d rather have told you in person, but I’m sure you’ve felt it before. I love you, and not in an entirely platonic sense. But don’t worry about that. I just want you to be happy. I know you’re probably putting a lot of pressure on yourself to support the crew and help them work through their feelings, but take some time for yourself, too. Find someone to talk to.”

“That’s it. Um, I want you all to know that I really loved my time here. And I have you guys to thank for that. Thank you for making my life as great as it was. I hope yours are too. Beverly Crusher, signing off. Computer, end recording.”

“Recording ended and saved.”

“End program.”

The room became its standard black and yellow as Beverly fell to her knees and started crying.

*

When Beverly left, she left a note in Deanna’s quarters. 

“If something happens to me... if I die, find Wesley, Jean-Luc, Will, Data, Geordi, Guinan, Ogawa, and Alexander. Take them to the holodeck and run program Crusher 3-2. Your security code should let it play. Thank you.

-Beverly Crusher”

Deanna nearly crumpled it up and threw it across the room. Instead, she put it in a drawer and resisted the urge to find Nechayev and slap her. She helped Alexander with homework and hugged him tightly each time she felt even a sliver of an emotion from Beverly.

Physical proximity mattered less to Deanna’s empathic abilities when she was close to a person and she and Beverly were about as close as people get. 

“Will Beverly read me a bedtime story?” Alexander asked when he finished brushing his teeth.

She sighed. “Not tonight, sweetheart, but I’d be happy to.”

He made a face.

“Or I can call Will,” she offered. He nodded enthusiastically.

When Will got there, he quickly noticed Deanna’s state. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I will be,” she whispered, remembering Beverly’s words. “Go read him a story, we can talk later.”

So he did. Alexander fell asleep about halfway into some tale of Will’s childhood in Alaska that Deanna had heard countless times. 

“So. What’s up?” he said. 

Deanna wordless got the letter from the drawer. “I found this in here right after they left.” She handed him the piece of paper.

“Oh. Deanna, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“It’s like the one Tasha left. She did it for me. I mean, it’s for all of us, but she did it because I told her it was easier with Tasha than Worf because Tasha did her own funeral.”

“Did you already watch it?” 

“No, I just know.”

“She’ll be okay, Deanna. They all will.” He pulled her into a hug as she cried on his uniform.

“I hope you’re right.”

*

Within seconds of Beverly stepping out of the shuttle, Deanna’s arms were around her, pulling her close and firmly. Beverly returned the gesture, holding onto Deanna like her life depended on it. 

“It’s what I think it is, isn’t it?” Deann whispered into Beverly’s shoulder. Beverly nodded and felt Deanna’s grip tighten. 

Beverly wanted to be there, fully, with Deanna. To have her thoughts and feelings there. They weren’t. “I left him there,” she said, her voice hollow. In that moment, every ounce of relief Deanna had felt was sapped from her, replaced by Beverly’s guilt and fear and emptiness.

“Beverly...” she tried to reassure. She didn’t have to ask what she meant. Beverly and the new security chief had left the shuttle. Picard hadn’t.

“He’s probably being tortured right now, Deanna. I left him there. I’m letting that happen. It’s my fault.”

“You don’t know that.”

“It’s what they do. It’s how they get information. Ask anyone. Ask O’Brien about the war, hell, ask Ro.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I made the call. When he comes back-- if he even comes back-- traumatized, it’ll be my fault.”

“Maybe. But I’m sure it was the right call.”

“How can you say that? How is any call that puts someone in danger the right call?” 

“We both know that the tough choices are never that simple. That’s the risk we run. If you had stayed, two more people could’ve been captured. What’s the Vulcan saying? ‘The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?’”

“Haven’t you ever read Kirk’s memoirs? Sometimes the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many.”

Deanna smiled sympathetically. “Beverly. I’m sorry. I know these choices are hard. I know. I know you feel each one deeply. I feel every bit with you. But sometimes these decisions have to be made. And sometimes you have to be the one to make them.”

“I know. But what if I made the wrong one?”

“It’s not as simple as right and wrong. There’s no use in dwelling on it. The best thing for us to do now is to try to help him.”

“You’re right.” Deanna smiled. “Thank you.” Beverly hugged her again.

“I’m very glad you’re back.”

Beverly sighed. “Me too.”

*

Deanna was drained. Between Beverly’s crushing guilt, the crew’s uneasiness and distrust of Jellico, Will’s frustration, and occasional hints of Picard’s pain, not to mention her own feelings, she was exhausted. 

The relief of the crew when the captain returned was refreshing, but then she spoke with him and felt all of it crash down on her. 

By the time her shift was over, she was close to falling asleep on the turbolift. As she walked to her quarters, she felt her eyelids start to droop and her pace slow. She was so out of it she barely registered the presence of a familiar mind until she felt a hand on her upper arm and then another on her waist, helping to keep her up. “Beverly,” she mumbled, not fully opening her eyes. 

“Yes. Are you alright?” Even as tired as she was, she could feel Crusher’s worry.

She nodded. “Just tired.”

“I can see that.” She shifted so that she was beside Deanna instead of behind her and wrapped her arm around Deanna’s back. “I’ll take you to your quarters. Take tomorrow off.”

“But--”

“That’s an order, okay?”

Deanna sighed, but she leaned onto Beverly a bit more. “Okay, but what about Alexander?”

“I’ll take care of him. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, noticing that they’d stopped and Beverly was opening her quarters.

“Of course. Oh, and I forgot to mention earlier, I like the uniform. It looks good on you.”

*

Beverly paced in the holodeck. “Computer, what time is it?”

“It is fourteen hundred hours and eleven minutes.”

Deanna was supposed to meet her at fourteen hundred hours. She had beta shift today, so she wasn’t late coming from her office or the bridge. Unless she’d had an emergency appointment or something. Beverly tapped her combadge.

“Crusher to Troi.” There was no response. She tried again. Again, nothing. She sighed. “Computer, what is the location of Counselor Troi?”

“Counselor Troi is not aboard the Enterprise.”

“What?” she asked rhetorically. “Computer, when did Counselor Troi leave the Enterprise?”

“Unknown.”

Beverly left the holodeck for the Bridge in a panic.

*

“Will!” Beverly exclaimed when she ran into him on the way to the Bridge. “Have you seen Deanna?”

“No. Why, what’s up?”

Beverly shook her head. “Computer, what is the location of Counselor Troi?” she asked rather than explain the situation. Riker looked confused.

“Counselor Troi is not aboard the Enterprise.”

He looked at Beverly, concerned. 

“And there’s no record of her leaving either.”

“What the hell?”

“I checked her quarters before I started to head to the Bridge, to see if the computer was just glitching, but she wasn’t there.”

“I’ll have Geordi and Data run a diagnostic of internal sensors and assign a security crew to look for her.”

“I’ll help,” she said, nodding.

He put a hand on her shoulder. He opened his mouth to talk, but she stopped him.

“Please, Will.” He wasn’t an empath, but he’d known Crusher for years and he knew what she must be feeling.

“Look, we’ll find her. Don’t worry. But someone needs to pick up Alexander and watch him until we find her, and we both know she’d want that to be you.”

*

The second Deanna walked into Sickbay, Beverly was checking her for injuries. 

“Thank god you’re alright. You are alright, right?”

Deanna smiled. “Yes, I’m fine. Though I would appreciate having my face back.”

Beverly grinned. “Right. Okay, I’ll get ready to reverse the facial reconstruction surgery.”

“Thank you.”

*

“There,” Beverly said, rubbing her thumb across Deanna’s cheek. “Good as new.”

“Thank you,” Deanna responded, running her fingers across her forehead, taking comfort in the lack of ridges. 

“How does it feel to have your face back?” 

“Good,” she said, grinning. Beverly smiled in response, before letting it drop slightly.

“And how are you feeling otherwise?” she asked seriously.

Deanna took a deep breath. “Okay. I-- people died. And I threatened several people. And I was scared. But I’ll be okay.”

“Okay, well I’m here. Always.”

Deanna ducked her head but maintained eye contact with Beverly anyways. She smiled widely. “I know. Thank you. How’s Alexander?”

“Good. He’s missed you. Do you want to see him?”

“Yes. I’ve missed him, too.”

“Then let’s go.”

Alexander ran to hug Deanna when she got to their quarters and he wrapped his arms around her holding her close. 

“I was worried about you,” he said, and Deanna was nearly brought to tears by the wave of emotions she felt from him. He’d lost two parents already. She could feel the pain, and the fear that he’d lose a third. 

“I’m here,” she said, returning the hug tightly. “I’m here,” she repeated as he started to cry. Beverly squeezed Deanna’s shoulder in comfort. 

*

The war bird’s disruptor beam aimed at the Enterprise as a whole had been enough. But when Deanna entered sickbay to see the frozen image of a disruptor beam hitting Beverly, who was standing protectively in front of Alexander, it really hit her that everyone on the ship would die if they didn’t fix this.

She didn’t have the engineering and physics expertise to solve the issues of the warp core and the temporal anomalies-- though she did help where she could-- but she could get Beverly and Alexander out of the way of that disruptor beam. So when the time came, she pulled them out of the way and aimed her phaser at the Romulan. Beverly pushed Alexander fully behind her to keep him safe and explained the situation to Deanna. 

Later, Beverly stopped by Deanna’s quarters with a chocolate sundae straight from Ten Forward. “I just wanted to thank you,” she said, handing the bowl to Deanna when the door opened. “For saving us.”

Deanna looked from Beverly to the bowl in her hands and then back to Beverly. “Of course. I’m just glad you’re both okay.”

“Thanks to you,” she said, smiling.

“Beverly?” Alexander called from inside, apparently hearing her voice at the door. Deanna nodded her head towards the inside of the room and stepped out of the way to let Beverly come in.

“Hi,” Beverly said as Alexander walked into the room. “What’s up?”

Deanna smiled as Alexander launched into a story, glad at how well they got along. Happy with the sort of family they’d started to make.

*

Lwaxana was always painfully obvious about trying to set Deanna up with anyone. She almost wanted to tell her it was no use, Deanna was already very nearly in a relationship with someone, but she figured that that wouldn’t really be fair to Beverly. Still, with how hard her mother was pushing her, she very nearly snapped.

More than that, though, she was worried about her mother. She’d been tired and in pain. And, as loving and overbearing of a mother as she’d always been, she was also being uncharacteristically affectionate. And then there was her confusing outburst at Will. 

When Deanna brought her to Sickbay, Beverly squeezed Deanna’s hand briefly to comfort her as she scanned Lwaxana with her tricorder. When Beverly told Lwaxana to refrain from using telepathy, she hoped that maybe she wasn’t as stubborn as her daughter. But she was.

Deanna had been stressed. Beverly noticed. Will had noticed. Alexander had noticed. She was worried about Lwaxana before she fell into a coma. Now she was terrified. 

Beverly asked Data to watch Alexander. Deanna was already concerned enough and Beverly was busy trying to help Lwaxana. Besides, ever since Lal, Data had seemed to... well, not exactly want a kid, but have a greater appreciation for children.

When Deanna decided to try to access Lwaxana’s subconscious mind despite potential risks, Beverly was, admittedly, worried. Worried Deanna would be harmed. Worried for her and herself and Alexander. But it was Deanna’s choice, and she’d made it, and Beverly would support that. Data offered to watch Alexander again, and Deanna and Beverly both thanked him for that. She put her hand on Deanna’s shoulder comfortingly and Deanna smiled at her, briefly breaking the worry that had been permanently etched onto her face lately.

When she went in a second time and Beverly warned her that she’d have Maques sever the connection, she didn’t say because she was scared, because she couldn’t bear to see something happen to Deanna, because Alexander couldn’t and didn’t deserve to either. And Deanna didn’t say that she’d felt it either, but Beverly heard it in her voice anyways as she said, “I know.”

*

“I don’t know what to think... what to feel,” Deanna said, shaking her head.

Beverly reached forward and interlaced their fingers. “Has Lwaxana told you much about her?”

Deanna nodded. “Yes. She, um, she had telepathy. She didn’t have empathy. She was beautiful, and smart, and liked to take care of me.” Deanna took a shaky breath. “My mother is hurting. She tried to forget about Kestra for so long, and now it’s all coming back. And it hurts me, that she never told me, but I get it. I haven’t told Alexander the truth about his father. It’s... parents do things to protect their children from pain, and I understand it. But I can’t help being a little upset.”

“I’d say that’s fair,” Beverly said. “How long is Lwaxana staying on the ship?”

“She’s headed back to Betazed soon. But she wanted more time with me and Alexander. And it’s odd, but I want more time with her.” Beverly smiled slightly.

*

Lwaxana sat at the bar of Ten Forward. Guinan looked at her curiously. “Did you really try to set Deanna up with that guy?”

Lwaxana laughed. “Yes, I suppose.”

“Why? You’re a telepath and an empath. You must know how she and our doctor feel about each other.”

“Oh, I’m well aware. But children like to rebel, so I thought maybe if I pushed her far enough in the wrong direction she’d end up going in the right one.”

Guinan nearly laughed at that and Lwaxana grinned into her drink.

*

Beverly adjusted the many things in her arms to hit the chime of Deanna’s quarters. 

“Come in,” Deanna called and the doors slid open. She saw all the things Beverly was holding and rushed forward to help her. “What’s all this?” She asked, grabbing a bowl full of powder.

“Pancakes! Or, well, it will be. When Wesley was young, we used to make pancakes on weekends. I thought it could be fun,” she explained, setting the griddle she’d replicated down. “I realize now I could’ve replicated it all here, but, well, I wanted to surprise you two.”

“That’s very sweet. I’ll go get Alexander.” She smiled at Beverly for a long moment before actually walking towards Alexander’s quarters. They returned quickly, Alexander still in his pajamas.

“I’ve never actually made pancakes before,” Deanna said. 

“It’s not terribly complicated,” Beverly said, cracking an egg into the bowl and stirring it in. Deanna helped upon her directions and replicated butter and syrup. Beverly made letters out of the batter on the griddle, spelling Alexander. She let Alexander stand on a chair and helped him pour and flip a few pancakes of his own. Deanna tried making a few, too.

It was nice to have a relaxing morning together after so much chaos and strife in their lives and on the ship. 

“Deanna?” Alexander asked.

“Yes?” 

“Can I go play with Emma? She lives next door and she asked if I could play today.”

Deanna smiled at his hopefulness and at the fact that he finally seemed to be making friends. If she remembered correctly, Emma was the adopted half Romulan girl, and she could understand how she and Alexander could find something they had in common in the struggle to connect with your race while growing up in the Earth-centric Federation.

“Yes. Go get dressed and I’ll ask her parents to make sure it’s okay.” He grinned and ran to his room to change out of his pajamas and Deanna used her combadge to call Emma’s parents. They were happy to have Alexander over and Emma came to their door to walk him over, even though it was just a few feet away.

Beverly was recycling the griddle when Deanna came back from the door, so Deanna grabbed the bowl of leftover batter and brought it over. Beverly turned around from the replicator and laughed a little upon seeing Deanna.

“What?” Deanna asked, stepping around Beverly to recycle the bowl and its contents.

Beverly shook her head. “I just noticed you’ve got a little batter on your face. It must have gotten their when you were putting it on the griddle.”

“Oh,” Deanna said, reaching up to her face and moving her hand to try to find and wipe off the batter.

“Here, let me.” Beverly cupped Deanna’s face and ran her thumb along her cheek to remove the batter. Only she left her hand there. And stared at Deanna intently. First her eyes, then her lips, then her eyes again.

“Beverly,” Deanna whispered, her eyes dropping to Beverly’s lips quickly. And then Beverly kissed her. And Deanna could only think of one word: finally. And she kissed her back.

And then Beverly’s combagde chirped and she sprang back.

“Crusher here,” she breathed out, blushing profusely. Deanna could feel her embarrassment and worse, her fear.

“We need you in Sickbay, we’ve got a medical emergency.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there,” she said. She turned to head to the door, but Deanna’s hand on her wrist stopped her. She turned back around.

“Can we talk when you’re done?” Deanna asked. Beverly put her free hand on Deanna’s shoulder and let it slide down her arm.

“Yeah,” she said. She smiled nervously and sort of shakingly, a familiar expression on her. 

*

Beverly rubbed her temples and sighed. It’d been a long day. She was contemplating whether or not to make it longer. The thing was, she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to sleep either way. Either she’d stress about it all night or she’d get this over with. And really, she wasn’t sure why she was so nervous. It would be fine. It was Deanna.

Okay, that wasn’t completely accurate. She knew exactly why she was so nervous. It had to be fine. It was Deanna. If she messed this up, it would... 

She hit the chime rather than indulge in that worst-case scenario fantasy again. 

“Come in,” Deanna said. It was too immediate to really be in response to the chime. Like she was waiting. She probably was, probably felt Beverly’s anxiety from decks away. The doors hissed open and Beverly took a cautious step forward.

“About earlier...” she started.

“Don’t apologize,” Deanna whispered, almost too faint to hear. Beverly shook her head and took another step forward, approaching Deanna.

“I wasn’t going to.” Deanna looked up. She looked equally surprised and like she was expecting it. Like her empathetic instincts which were so in tune with Beverly’s emotions were debating with Deanna’s doubts of her abilities or of Beverly’s intentions or... something. Beverly reached for Deanna’s hands and held them loosely. “I’m not sorry for expressing my feelings. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but,” she smiled, “I’ve found it’s best to be honest, especially with you since you can tell when I’m not. I... I think that’s been a long time coming. Look, Deanna, I like dancing, but I’ve gotten tired of dancing around this.”

Deanna nodded. Beverly took in a breath.

“Deanna—“

“Yes.” Beverly didn’t have to finish. Deanna just knew. Beverly grinned.

“Can I say it anyways?”

Deanna smiled and nodded. “Please do.”

“Would you like to go on a date? Officially, that is.”

Deanna did say yes verbally, but it echoed in a weird way, filling Beverly’s mind with an odd sensation. Oh. 

“Was that...?” Beverly tried to ask.

“Yes,” Deanna said, this time completely mentally. “Imzadi.”

Beverly pulled Deanna into a hug.

*  
“Do you think we should tell Alexander?” Beverly asked, running her fingers through Deanna’s hair.

“Yes, I do. I think he deserves to know, at this point.”

“Okay. I agree.”

“What about Wesley? Have you told him?”

“I told him a while ago that it was something I wanted. I haven’t told him yet that it’s... official now.”

Deanna smiled. “It’s good to know I wasn’t imagining things when I thought you’d had feelings for me for a while.”

Beverly shoved her lightly. “And yet you didn’t say anything.”

“I almost did. Several times.”

Beverly kissed her cheek. “Me too.”

“Well, I’m glad you finally did.”

“Me too.”

*

“Beverly and I are seeing each other. Romantically,” Deanna said to Alexander over dinner, sitting across from him and next to Beverly. Beverly smiled at her supportively. Alexander smiled, too.

“I’m glad.”

Deanna grinned. “So am I.”

“I’ve never had two parents before.” It would’ve broken her heart if she couldn’t feel his happiness. Instead, she smiled wider, thinking about the three of them.

Beverly had lost her parents young, and then later her husband. Deanna had lost a father, later a child, and unwittingly a sister. Alexander had lost a mother and then the father he hadn’t known until his mother’s death. None of them had ever really had a family unit without having some part of it ripped away. And now, they had all found each other. They all had each other. So she decided to focus on that, rather than the loss that had gotten them here. And, from what she could feel from the two of them, they had made the same choice.

**Author's Note:**

> I realize that this doesn't cover quite the same time it feels like it will to me because I wrote this slowly over a long period and thought about it a lot, too, so I feel like I'm handing you like a year of my life and you'll be like... at the end of a long journey here but that's not super the case. Anyways, thanks for reading!


End file.
